Each day, I'm faced with an unexpected situation. What am I supposed to do when so many problems are thrown at me? What am I supposed to say, how am I supposed to react and what am I expected to do? I have school too, I have studies as well, and I have my exams. As each day passes, I find out more and more things that I don't know how to respond to. I can't make a fuss out of it if not everyone thinks I'm the mean one. I can't tell anyone about it because I can't bring myself to. Just keeping it all inside, hoping that... I'll be able to forget everything that has been happening... one day.
I need my girl pals so badly now, neh, sheryl, michelle, shu en, saf, charity, bolzie. I really need you guys so badly now, I didn't know that things were gonna get so difficult. I'm so tired... and I really need you guys here, to help me through. I really need you guys, to talk some sense to me, to scold me, to just be around. I really love you girls. And I can't wait for all of us to go out, laugh, cry and scream together. It's just hard to go pass each day knowing that some of you are overseas and the others are so busy.
In a matter of minutes, I was expected to swallow everything and act as though nothing happened because so much was at stake. I couldn't risk anything. Not at this crucial juncture. I really wanted to scream at you, shout at you but there was no way. It was not anger, more of pain. It was not jealousy, more of disappointment. And after reading, thinking through everything that had been happening, it all made sense. Slowly, things started to fall in place. Thank you charity, for listening. Thank you bolzie, for staying up with me, consoling and making me laugh.
I can't breathe easy.